Revenge for Hire 7: Inverse Reactions
by Solarchos
Summary: Nothing is sacred and no one can escape the reach of the Dark and Dead Revenge for Hire. Even the most famous, powerful, and/or annoying of mages can't evade their wrath, as Tokyo soon discovers much to its displeasure once again .


T & M Productions shamelessly presents…

Revenge for Hire

Inverse Reactions

By Solarchos

The snow was falling heavily outside as the night dragged on. Trudging through the ankle-deep snow, the tall girl pulled her cloak tighter around herself and pressed on resolutely. Quite a few snowmen had been built by the neighborhood kids and Tin Nyanko was currently going around blowing them up with the Cat Paw Bazooka, enjoying herself a little too much in the process. Finally, she reached the building she'd traveled so far to find. The lights gleaming through the third-floor windows shown like a beacon of hope to her.

"O-ho-ho-ho-ho!!!" she laughed as she entered the front door.

"This sucks!" snapped Iron Mouse as she shivered on the couch. It was not a good time for Revenge for Hire. Business had been slow for the past few months, so money was a bit tight. Even worse, the furnace had conked out a few days earlier and they didn't have the money to fix it. Then the cold weather started rolling in.

Iron Mouse, Rubius, VesVes, and Nephrite sat on the couch, trying to stay warm while Esmeraude and Mistress Nine were in the kitchenette trying to cook something. Petz, Saffir, and JunJun were busy lighting a fire (on the pool table…o_O;;), Kunzite, Cyprine, and Beruche were pulling out all of the blankets they had, Fiore, Black Lady, Ail, and Anne were sitting on the floor, and Demando, Tellu, and Eudial were all leaning out the windows throwing snowballs at every person and car on the street. Needless to say, they weren't helping.

"Dammit!" shouted Nephrite at one point. "Would you morons please stop that! It's already cold enough in here without you bozos making it even worse!"

"Eat me, canvas monkey!" retorted Eudial. "This is way too fun!" She stuck her tongue out at him as Demando chucked yet another snowball out onto the street while Tellu urged him on. Suddenly, both villains facefaulted as they recognized Demando's target.

"Oh shit…!" they both gasped.

"What?" asked Eudial.

"I think I just hit Michiru!" replied Demando.

"DEEP SUBMERGE!!!" Suddenly a massive wave of ice-cold water smashed into the side of the building, spraying through the open windows and saturating everyone in the room.

"Now this REALLY sucks," commented Black Lady. Everyone then sprang to their feet and proceeded to beat the crap out of Eudial, Demando, and Tellu.

The brawl was still in full swing when several knocks on the door interrupted them a minute later. Nephrite went over to the door while Tellu was dragged into the bathroom and her head shoved into the toilet, Demando was bent over the pool table in preparation for a good whacking, and Eudial had snow poured down the front of her outfit.

"Yeah, wha…aaaahhh?!" began Nephrite. Then he saw who was at the door and facefaulted big time.

Standing outside was a tall young lady with long flowing black hair, gorgeous blue eyes, flawless deliciously pale skin, and a whole lot of cleavage (the phrase "huge…tracts of land" came to mind). Her clothes consisted of a gold headband, black boots, a long cape, a leather thong, a sheathed sword, and a bustier that barely contained her heaving cleavage.

Facing Nephrite was none other than Naga the Serpent.

"Who the hell is THAT?" demanded Petz. A moment later she smacked Saffir soundly as she realized exactly where he was staring.

"A hentai-fanatic's dream come true," commented Mistress Nine.

"O-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!!" laughed Naga. "You're just jealous because you don't look half as good as I do!"

"HEY!!" screamed Esmeraude. "You stole MY laugh!"

"Your laugh? O-ho-ho-ho! Dream on, you homely girl!" retorted Naga.

"Homely??!!" shrieked Esmeraude. A moment later there was a resounding smack as Esmeraude leapt across the room and bitch-slapped Naga. The catfight was on.

After a few minutes Naga and Esmeraude were seperated and pulled to opposite corners of the room by the female villains. The men were absolutely no help whatsoever; they were too busy cheering the two girls on.

"Okay, what exactly are you doing here?" asked Eudial as everyone finally calmed down a little and order was restored.

"I'm TRYING to hire you morons to do a job, that's what!" snapped Naga, her hair messed up and her white skin now discolored by pink handprints from where she'd been slapped. "There's someone I know who desperately needs to get their ass clobbered and…well…I'm embarrassed to say that I'm actually not powerful enough to do it myself."

"Wow, Naga's actually showing a bit of humility?" asked Iron Mouse. "Hell just froze over."

"This person is way too powerful for me to tackle directly," continued Naga. "Plus, if I tried to do this myself I'd definitely fail – I'm too obvious."

"Among other things," remarked Rubius, ogling Naga lustfully. Even Kunzite was having a hard time not staring at her. Meanwhile, Naga whipped out a big bag of gold coins (author's note: from WHERE? It's not like she has pockets in that outfit) and plopped it down in front of the villains. The R4H gang facefaulted: those coins were real.

"This is a collection I've taken up from the entire cast of Slayers," said Naga. "They ALL want to see this happen. Will you help me?" Eudial smiled.

"I think we might be able to work something out," she stated as she took Naga aside and prepared to take down her information. Just then someone else began knocking on the door. Demando answered it.

Standing in the hallway was a short, slender girl dressed much more appropriately for the weather than Naga. Her hair was unruly, long, and bright red in color. Her eyes matched her hair and her youthful expression, combined with her height and figure, made her look like a 14-year-old.

"Excuse me, is this the Dark and Dead Revenge for Hire?" asked Lina Inverse from Slayers.

"Holy crap!" exclaimed JunJun. "What is this? A Slayers convention?"

"Cool!" cried JunJun. "Maybe I'll finally get to achieve my life-long goal of glomping Gourry!" Lina stepped into the room and immediately caught sight of Naga.

"What's this?!" called out Naga. "What are you doing sneaking around behind my back?! What are you up to, little girl?" Lina frowned, her eyebrow twitching.

"Uhh, the same could be asked of you, Naga," she retorted. "I guess you're here for the same reason I am: someone we both know deserves a good ass-kicking." Naga smiled broadly and nodded.

"How about clueing us in?" asked Saffir. "We generally need to know the identity of a target before we can nail them." Naga and Lina glanced at each other, then broke out into big grins.

"Sore wa himitsu desu!!" they both shouted simultaneously, waging their fingers at him.

Wanton destruction and misery raged throughout downtown Tokyo…and Revenge for Hire was surprisingly not responsible. At least, not in any way that could be proven in court. An anime convention had gone horribly awry when someone had started taking bets on who'd win – the entire cast of Gundam Wing or the Dark Lord Sauron. One enormous battle later the convention was a mess, half of Tokyo looked like it had been subjected to an old Godzilla movie, and the Tokyo Tower had collapsed yet _again_! As if that wasn't enough, at some point a huge clone army of Sailor Moon/Mihoshi hybrids appeared on the scene, devouring all of the available food, loitering around, whining, and generally making themselves totally useless.

Throughout it all, he was there, enjoying every second of it.

"I'm just singing in the rain…! I'm singing in the rain…!" chanted Xelloss happily as he danced through the debris-strewn streets, twirling his staff and smiling big-time. Instead of his usual yellow and green robes he was wearing a white body suit with black boots, a big codpiece covering his groin, and a black derby. Bottom line, he was dressed like a droog from "A Clockwork Orange"…only with purple hair. He stepped out onto the street, completely ignoring the bus that missed him by inches as it swerved desperately to avoid hitting him. Xelloss kept smiling as he watched the bus fishtail, spin out, and crash into a nearby pond.

"You know, Geiko could've saved you thousands of yen in insurance payments!" he yelled at the bus driver as he walked by. "Oh wait, you already crashed. Looks like you're SOL, suckers!" Laughing, he kept on walking, pausing only to pop the balloons of a little girl who was looking entirely too happy.

They watched him through their binoculars, seething slightly.

"That heartless bastard!" snarled Eudial. "Look at him strut around like he owns this f$^%ing town!"

"Yeah, we should be the ones doing that!" added Petz.

"Okay, I'm open to suggestions," said Eudial to the entire gang. They were currently hiding in a nearby park trying to look inconspicuous…and utterly failing to do so as normal Tokyo residents were watching them.

"I could Dragon Slave him?" offered Lina.

"Like hell!" shouted Nephrite. "Don't even think about it! That'd be like setting off a small nuclear explosion! We'd all get our asses kicked for sure after that!"

"Yeah," added Black Lady. "Japan passed a law prohibiting the detonation of weapons of mass destruction after someone tried to stop Godzilla by nuking him."

"I remember that," said Kunzite. "Jeez! They had to rebuild the entire city after that! Zoisite and I had to live in a subway car for a week!"

"When did that happen?" asked Naga.

"Last month," replied Demando as he took another look at Xelloss. He was currently passing by a group of schoolgirls. With a flick of his hand the young girls all started screaming as they realized their underwear had suddenly vanished. A moment later a dimensional portal opened and a clutch of long tentacles slithered out and tried to snatch the girls. Xelloss spun around, whipped out a camcorder, and proceeded to film everything.

"Oh yeah! Now THIS is entertainment!" he called out as the girls desperately tried to escape from the lecherous tentacles. "Aw, come on, girls! Take one for the team…!!"

Ail had to be physically restrained by everyone as he tried to snatch Eudial's sniper rifle and blow Xelloss' brains out.

"I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!!!" he screamed.

"What's his problem?" asked Naga.

"The same thing happened to him a few weeks back," replied Iron Mouse. "He got nabbed by hentai demons and tentacle-raped. I guess we just figured out who was responsible for that little incident."

"Little incident?!" cried Ail, "They humiliated me! They made me squeal like a pig! It was worse then that one scene from "Deliverance"! And that bastard was there the whole time laughing!" Almost everyone burst out laughing.

"Xelloss is a Mizoku!" cried Lina. "He's supposed to do stuff like that!"

"Bring out the gimp!" snickered VesVes.

"You're one of us now, Ail," said Kunzite.

"You're an honorary yaoi-boy!" added Fiore.

"There's no turning back!" said Kunzite. He and Fiore fell to their knees laughing hysterically while Ail just crumpled to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Okay, so this guy feeds on negative vibes and stuff," commented JunJun. "So how do we beat him, huh?" They all thought it over for a few minutes.

"Maybe we should call Washuu or something," remarked Cyprine. "Does anyone have her number?"

Nah," retorted Eudial. "She charges more than the average annual gross domestic product of a third world nation and I refuse to call her "Little Washuu"."

"Well, he does seem to get physically sickened whenever Amelia does one of her "Justice" speeches," offered Lina. "I mean really sick. Like he's becoming diabetic or something."

"That's it!!" cried Demando. "I've got it! I know how to beat this guy!"

All traffic in downtown Tokyo had come to a complete stop as the massive traffic jam just got worse. It all began at one major intersection after Xelloss cast a "Weak Bladder" spell on the police officer who'd been directing traffic. Xelloss then put on a police officer's uniform and stepped in to take over…with predictable results.

"Oh dear…" he snickered as the cars pressed in from all sides. "How did this happen? All I did was this…" He waved the light-stick he was using around and several cars drove through the intersection at high speed…into each other. Xelloss sighed contentedly and pulled out a notebook. "Cool! At this rate, not only will I make my quota this month, but I'll be sure to get that toaster, too!"

"Hold it right there!" yelled a loud voice. Xelloss quickly looked around. Then he saw her.

Standing proudly atop a fuel truck was a girl, her hair in odangos and ponytails, dressed in a sailor fuku. It took Xelloss a second or two to realize that something wasn't quite right here.

"I am Sailor Eudial!" cried out the staturesque red-head. "The TRUE champion of justice! And on behalf of the downtrodden, I will right wrongs and triumph over evil!" Eudial struck the pose. "And that means you!" Xelloss sweatdropped.

"What the heck?! Aren't you Eudial of the Witches 5?! What the hell are you doing?!" he demanded.

"What am I doing?" retorted Sailor Eudial. "You use your powers to annoy the hell out of the innocent citizens of Tokyo and that's something I just can't allow."

"Yeah, that's our job!" called out another voice. Xelloss jerked as a jet of ice-cold water nailed him in the back of his head. He quickly spun…and facefaulted.

"I am Sailor Beruche!" cried the white-haired girl in the blue fuku. "Champion of the Dark Moon Clan and chess-players everywhere!"

"And I…" called out the girl who looked just like an older version of Sailor Moon, except she had pink hair, red eyes, and a sickeningly-cute sugar pink fuku, "Am Sailor Black Lady! Champion of the DMC, too! I am the future! But I also fight here and now! I am Chibi-Usa grown up and gone bad and I'm gonna punish you soooo good…!" A rose suddenly came out of nowhere and smacked Black Lady in the face.

"That's NOT how it goes, you ditz!" shouted someone else. Xelloss spun around to face a certain guy in a black tuxedo and mask.

Nephrite boldly stood before them all dressed in his old Tuxedo Kamen outfit. A second later Naru appeared out of nowhere and latched onto him like a lamprey, squealing delightedly. Nephrite just smirked.

"I am Tuxedo Nephrite. Pimp-daddy of Tokyo! Boo-yah!" Xelloss began to panic as he realized he was surrounded by Sailor-Wannabes-Gone-Horribly-Awry. It only got worse when Kunzite showed up wearing a sailor fuku (Sailor Moon's to be exact) and Rubius appeared in a tuxedo, armed with daisies.

"Kunzite??!!" exclaimed a few of the villains.

"Aren't those supposed to be roses?" asked Cyprine.

"I had to snag Zoicite's Sailor Moon costume and the florists were all out of roses," snarled Kunzite, sweatdropping. "I think we've got cape-boy to thank for that one."

"Now, Xelloss," announced Sailor Eudial. "You've been a bad, bad boy. And because of your nasty ways…we shall punish you!" Xelloss smiled slyly.

"Oh really?" he retorted. "And just how do you plan to do that? Pull out my fingernails? Chop off my head? Make me into Jabba the Hutt's bitch?"

"No!" cried out Iron Mouse as she struck a pose. "We have forsaken violence! Fighting is wrong! As soldiers of love and justice all we need to defeat evil is the one thing our lives have been lacking for so long!"

"Hot kinky sex?" asked Esmeraude. JunJun and VesVes both kicked her in the shins simultaneously.

"No! All we need…" called out Eudial, "…is love (insert starry eyes)!!" Xelloss facefaulted.

"Are you people on crack?" he asked. Before he could do anything Sailors Ann and Mistress Nine jumped at him and grabbed his arms.

"Violence is wrong!" implored Sailor Missy-Nine.

"We can talk this over!" added Sailor Ann.

"You are absolutely correct!" called out a measured dramatic voice. Everyone looked up to see a tall, dramatic figure dressed up in white robes and a hooded turban.

"Sheet Boy!!" called out Tuxedo Nephrite, Tuxedo Rubius, and Sailor Dragqueen…I mean Sailor Kunzite.

"I am the Moonlight Knight!" called out Demando, decked out in his cape and accessorized by bed sheets. "Violence is like a desert storm, powerful and moving, but also unnecessarily destructive. Its power must be used with care and wisdom for anything constructive to come from it."

"HUH???!!!" demanded just about everyone. Nephrite nudged Saffir.

"You know," said Nephrite. "Your brother's got Sheet-Boy's dumbass speeches down perfectly. I'm impressed." Saffir nodded. Xelloss, meanwhile, was wobbling a little from the sheer weirdness of everything.

"This does not make any sense!" he yelled. "I'm outta here!" Before he could teleport out more Sailor-Wannabes grabbed onto him.

"Don't go!" implored Sailor Beruche.

"Everything can be solved with love!" sighed Sailor Black Lady.

"We must all devote ourselves to honest and caring lives!" stated Tuxedo Saffir.

"All we need is love!" said Sailor Tellu. Flowers began to pelt Xelloss.

"Aaaaaahhhhh!! You people are creeping me out!!" shrieked Xelloss, "Cut it out!!"

"Let us show you the way to true love and happiness!" called out Sailor Esmeraude. Kunzite and Fiore then kissed Xelloss on either side of his face.

"Aaaaaggghh! I'm poisoned!" screamed Xelloss as he tried to run (forgetting all about the fact that he can teleport. VesVes and JunJun grabbed onto his legs while Iron Mouse leapt onto his back and hung on tight.

"No! We're not letting you go until you join us in happiness!" cried Iron Mouse.

"You only need us to show you the path!" called out Ail. "Let the love and light wash over you like a river!" Flowers, bunnies, and tiny stuffed animals began to pelt Xelloss. Someone began singing…although no one would ever claim responsibility.

"I love you…you love me…!" Surrounded on all sides and too grossed out to think straight, Xelloss began to froth at the mouth as he went into sugar-shock. The Revenge for Hire quickly moved in and started tying him up.

"No…more…sugar…!" he whispered in agony.

"His defenses are down!" yelled Eudial. "It's time for the grand finale!" Everyone paused at took a deep breath.

"Rain or shine…! We're happiest…! When we're with Tuxedo Mask…!"

Xelloss' screams of terror could be heard from blocks away. It only got worse for him when they stuffed him in a closet with Chibi-Chibi…

They all sat in a local McDonald's, catching a quick bite to eat while Lina pigged out as usual. Several of the R4H gang were quietly pondering the question of who had the bigger appetite : Usagi or Lina? Naga watched Lina with a smirk on her face.

"Enjoying yourself?" she asked. Lina nodded as she started gulping down a fifth cup of Jolt cola. Eudial came out of the bathroom, now dressed in her usual clothes instead of the fuku.

"Uhm, Eudial?" called out Kunzite, pointing at his head. "Your hair?" Eudial suddenly realized she was still wearing "odangos". She quickly corrected that little oversight and sat down near Naga.

"All right, Miss Inverse. We've completed your revenge account…but not Naga's. You see, Naga had a separate account on a different target." Lina wasn't paying attention: she was drinking Jolt straight out of the dispenser now.

"Aren't you the least bit interested who the other target is?" asked Rubius. Lina made a noise similar to a grunt and keep on sucking soda like a vampire. Naga just laughed Esmaraude-like…freaking the hell out of a lot of nearby people in the process.

"Well, I'll tell you, my dear," she announced. "You see YOU'RE the target I came to avenge myself on! After all the crap you've subjected me to – picking on me because of my cleavage, taking all the credit, taking all the food, and the occasional blowing me up with a Dragon Slave…it's payback time, you flat-chested little twerp! (insert diabolical laughter) And I'm not the only one who wants this! Gourry, because you continually use him as your own personal punching bag. Amelia, because you're not fanatically devoted to the cause of justice. Filia, because she found out about your taste for dragon meat. Slyphiel, because you're stealing Gourry away from her. Martina, because you destroyed her home. Zelgadis, because you're more interested in hunting treasure than helping him find a cure. Xelloss, because…well, he said it's a secret. And finally, _your sister for those naked pictures you took of her while she was in the bath!!_" Meanwhile, Saffir, Demando, Rubius, Ail, and Kunzite were moving in closer to Lina, boxing her in and preparing to pounce on her. "So, Lina!" continued Naga. "What have you got to say for yourself!?"

Oddly enough, Lina didn't have much to say. Normally, the mere mention of her sister was enough to startle her a little. This time she showed no reaction. She sucked out the last of the Jolt cola in the machine and just growled, her body trembling and her eyes taking on a weird, crazed look.

"Uhh, are you feeling all right, Lina?" asked Mistress Nine.

"Do…not…call…me…Lina…!" hissed Lina as she turned around to face them all. Suddenly, she pulled her cloak up over her head so only her face showed. "_I am the great Cornholio!!! I need T-P for my bunghole!!!_"

"The hell…?!" cried Iron Mouse. "Is she on drugs or something?!" Meanwhile, Lina was rapidly pacing back and forth. Then she leapt onto a nearby table, scaring the hell out of VesVes and JunJun as they dove for cover while Lina proceeded to ravenously devour everything edible within arm's reach.

"_You must prepare a feast for the almighty bunghole_!!" she screamed in a cheesy Mexican accent as she practically inhaled an entire Big Mac. Without chewing.

"Uhh…get her!!" cried Saffir. Rubius and Fiore charged at her.

"_Are you threatening me_?!" screamed Lina. "_You will give me T-P!! Bungholio!!_" She then lashed out and kicked Rubius squarely between his legs. As Rubius collapsed to the floor in horrible pain, Fiore joined him a moment later as Lina nailed him as well.

"Oh shit!" cried Naga. "She's wearing her magical boots of groin-kicking!" Lina charged at them, kicking everyone she could get close enough to.

"_Sonofabitch_ (thwack!!)…" Saffir hit the floor and curled up into a ball, whimpering. "_Sonofabitch_ (thwack!!)…" Demando joined him. "_Sonofabitch_ (thwack!!)…" Kunzite went down. "_Sonofabitch_ ( thwack!! )…" Nephrite did his best Michael Jackson impression as Lina whacked him hard (EEEEEEEEE-hee-hee!!). "_Sonofabitch _(thwack!!)…" The manager of McDonald's hit the floor as he came out to see what the f^%$ was going on. "_Sonofabitch _(thwack!!)…" uxedo Kamen suddenly hit the floor just as quickly as he'd appeared.

"Oh my goddess!!" screamed Petz. "Mad mage! Mad mage!"

"She's gone postal!!" cried Tellu. "Run!!"

"Hey!!" shouted Naga as everyone inside McDonalds ran for the doors. "Where are you bastards going?! You're supposed to…!!"

"_Sonofabitch_ (thwack!!)…" screamed Lina. Naga's eyes nearly popped out of her head as a sudden excruciating pain shot up from her lower torso as Lina kicked her solidly in the shin.

"OOOWWWWWWWWWW…!!! Dammit! You little…!"

"_Sonofabitch_ (thwack!!)…_sonofabitch_ (thwack!!)…_sonofabitch_ (thwack!!)…" y now Naga was on the ground as Lina proceeded to kick the crap out of her.

"Damn, she's got the devil in her!" cried Eudial. Lina turned to face her. Eudial facefaulted big-time.

"_You have awakened my bunghole_!" screamed Lina. "_And now you shall pay! The streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers_!" Eudial immediately panicked and burst through the nearest window in an effort to escape. Black Lady was cowering behind Ann as they backed into a corner. Iron Mouse had leapt into the nearest trash can in an attempt to hide.

"Take her!!" shrieked Black Lady as she shoved Ann towards Lina. "She's not even human!"

"F%&^ you, you traitor!" screamed back Ann. Suddenly, kawaii little SD versions of Lead Crow, Aluminum Siren, Tin Nyanko, and Galaxia walked into the restaurant and quickly approached Lina: a few of the Chibi-Animamates had arrived.

"Hi!" called out Chibi-Siren. "We're going door to door selling Sailor Scout Cookies to raise money for starving children in America…" Behind her the other Chibi-Animamates were snickering hysterically. "Would you please help us and others by buying some?"

"They're a real bargain at 5000 yen a box!" added Chibi-Nyanko. "Just think of all the stuff we'll be able to buy…!" Chibi-Galaxia quickly smacked Nyanko and Chibi-Leady shoved her aside.

"We've got Makoto Marshmallow Surprise," she said. "Pink sugar-snaps, Usagi-choco-clusters…"

"_You will give me T-P!!!_" screamed Lina at the top of her lungs. "_Bungholios!!!_" The Chibi-Animamates facefaulted a little.

"What the…?" asked Chibi-Siren.

"_Trick or treat sonofabitch_!!!" shrieked Lina. Suddenly, the crazed mage leapt at them.

Chibi-Siren screamed in protest as Lina began snatching boxes of cookies and started devouring their contents in huge mouthfuls. She then freaked out and started crying. Chibi-Galaxia started wrestling with Lina, trying to keep her from stealing their boxes. Chibi-Nyanko jumped onto Lina's back and began trying to pummel her. Leady just stood there and watched in stunned amazement.

"Oh…my…god," she intoned. "Lina's got that mad cow disease!"

"Noooooo!! Those are our cookies!! Give 'em back, you bastard!!" screamed Chibi-Nyanko.

"_Are you threatening me_?!!" shouted Lina. "_I need cookies for my bunghole_!!_ I would hate for my bungholio to get polio_!!"

"You need cookies?! I'll give you cookies!!" shouted Chibi-Gali as she snatched up a box and started whacking Lina in the head with it. It didn't work; Lina quickly devoured all of the cookies (all twelve boxes) and began looking around hungrily for more food to devour.

The Chibi-Animamates took a step back and got really nervous as Lina stared directly at them…a mad fire burning in her eyes like Excel eyeing Menchi.

"SHIT!!!" they all screamed. "RUN!!!" They barely got out of the way in time as Lina pounced, missed, and leapt over the counter into the kitchen area. Screams began to arise as the workers started freaking out. Meanwhile, Lina continued her rampage, devouring every Chicken McNugget, french fry, burger, and Happy Meal she could get her hands on. Iron Mouse poked her head out of the trash can and glanced over at Black Lady, who was hiding inside one of the plants.

"Uhh, does this count as a successful mission?" asked Iron Mouse.

"I don't think so," replied Black Lady. "We're supposed to do the ass-kicking. Not the other way around." Lina leapt up onto the counter.

"_I am the great, one and only, almighty bungholioooooooo_!" she chanted loudly. "_Would you like to see my bungholiooooooooo_?! _I will show you my bungholioooooooo_! _I have no bungholiooooooooooo_!" Lina hopped down from the counter and began walking towards the door, stepping on Rubius' stomach in the process. Black Lady, Iron Mouse, and the few remaining people in the restaurant watched silently.

"_I claim this land for my bunghole_!" cried Lina as she walked out into the parking lot, accompanied by the loud screech of tires as people swerved and crashed in order to avoid hitting her. "_We have been without T-P for too long! Soon there will be T-P for every man_!" Lina then turned towards distant Mount Fuji and started marching towards it, beginning her epic quest to liberate T-P from the Dark Lord of the mountain…

…or not – Lina had been watching too much "Lord of the Rings" lately. In any case, this day was as officially messed up as Lina's brain.

The End

Today's Vengeance Hit………Failed


End file.
